My nipple is on Facebook.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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