My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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