You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
