I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
