it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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