so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
