My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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