does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
