would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dicks are not precious.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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