My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
