Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
