Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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