Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
