I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
