im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
