We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
