I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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