nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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