There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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