I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
