i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she smelled like a LAN party
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
