never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
