I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
