this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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