walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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