Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
