i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
