I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
wow bdsm is so cute
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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