Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do vagina's smell?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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