she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
