Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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