I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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