If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
