Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
