I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
