Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
