I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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