my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
