I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
