I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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