HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
