Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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