im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
