i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
