You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
