I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
