I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
