I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
