God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
