just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
